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Issue #43: February 18, 2005
To our readers:
For the good of your career, your colleagues, your employees, and your company, fake it when you’re in a bad mood. Spare your co-workers the misery that comes with sharing your bad day through enduring your silences, grumpiness, and caustic responses. Free your productivity and creativity from the bonds of your own sullenness and unhappiness when something has gone wrong at, or outside, work.
You think you should, instead, “be honest?” Honesty is the best policy when dealing with finances, timesheets, production reports, market factors, company evaluations, and other matters of fact. When dealing with negative emotions, frustrations, and dark moods, “honesty” is often a euphemism for being ugly and difficult.
Moodiness can become a real drag on your performance and company morale. In one study of 96 student teams, researchers found that when a team member’s mood improved, it increased team cooperation, reduced conflict, and improved task performance (S. Barsade, “The Ripple Effect: Emotional Contagion and Its Influence on Group Behavior,” Administrative Science Quarterly 47 (4): 644.)
If you’re a leader in your organization, it’s even more important to fake pleasantness when you feel venomous. In fact, according to Winn Claybaugh, author of Be Nice (Or Else!) And What’s In It For You,
“If people at work aren’t nice, especially the boss, it’s almost guaranteed that the staff won’t be having fun. When the staff isn’t having fun, they don’t laugh together. And when they don’t laugh together, creativity goes down and absenteeism skyrockets.” It’s not enough to be in a good mood – the people around you must know you’re in a good mood, because it’s the perception that counts, not the reality, according to Claybaugh.
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Personal problems such as marital and family discord, drug dependence, other health problems, and financial woes can affect an employee’s mindset and performance, and go beyond mere moodiness. An Employee Assistance Program can be invaluable in helping such employees, for the good of the employees and of the organization. While those employees must be honest about their feelings and experiences during treatment, they are better off being pleasant in the work place.
Face it, even your closest friends at work shouldn’t have to wonder how to navigate your mood swings, no matter how honest you can safely be with them about what is troubling you.
Three tips for faking it so you can work productively while feeling down:
1. Decide to be professional rather than moody.
If you engage in behaviors that cause your co-workers to wonder what’s gone wrong in your day, your week, or your life, it’s time for you to decide upon another way of behaving at work. “Moodiness is not a trait of professionals,” according to Kathy Simmons in The Black Collegian Online. If you realize how unprofessional you appear when in the throes of a bad mood, you are less likely to indulge yourself in one.
2. Recognize the behaviors that lead your co-workers to think you’re in a bad mood.
With few exceptions, you should never hear this phrase at work: “What’s wrong?” The exceptions are those instances that are strictly business-related, such as when you’re reviewing a P&L and the numbers don’t add up properly, or you’ve just been told by a reporter from the local newspaper that your firm is being sued.
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Otherwise, when someone asks “What’s wrong?” it’s because you’re letting your feelings govern your professional behavior. If you’re not sure what you might do to lead others to believe you’re in a bad mood, find out! When someone asks you, “What’s wrong?” be prepared to answer, in a pleasant and non-defensive way, “Nothing, why do you ask?” Then listen to the answer. Being pleasant and non-defensive is difficult for many of us, so practice if necessary. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Nothing, why do you ask?” until you believe yourself. If co-workers back off and say, “Oh, no reason,” then you must pursue them, in a non-threatening manner, and ask again. “No, really, I’d like to know. Am I frowning or scowling or something?”
3. Banish moody behaviors from your work life.
Now that you know which behaviors alert people to your unhappy moods, stop engaging in them at work. Write notes on your daily calendar to remind yourself. If you scowl when something’s amiss, stop it. If your shoulders slump when you’re down in the dumps, make it your mission to always stand up straight, proud, and tall. If you tend to ignore the niceties -- such as saying hello to colleagues -- when you’re unhappy, make sure you observe the niceties from now on. Save your scowling, slumping, and ignoring for times you really want to make an angry or depressed statement.
There is a place for emotional honesty, and it’s not at work. Save your emotional highs and lows for your private life, and let your colleagues, boss, and employees know they can count on you to be practical, straightforward, competent, and professional in all of your dealings with them and with your clients and customers.
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