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Issue
4: June 21, 2001
To Our Readers:
Researchers estimate that more than 65% of performance problems
result from strained relationships between employees rather than
from deficits in their skill level or motivation. (Conflict Resolution:
Mediation Tools for Everyday Worklife, McGraw Hill, 2001)
Helping those you manage, or those with whom you work, handle
conflict appropriately can improve performance dramatically. Additional
results: lower employee turnover and a better bottom line.
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There
are four basic tenets of dealing positively with conflict:
1.
Listen:
Listen to your employees or colleagues who are in conflict. Let
them tell you what the issue is as each of them sees it. Don't
assume you know what the problem is; let them tell you. For Tips
on how to listen fully and effectively, click here to see Brief
Tips Issues 1 and 2: http://www.kirkmillerandassoc.com
/brieftips.html
2. Focus on facts:
People in conflict frequently describe the reasons for their conflict
in vague terms. They might complain "She never listens to my ideas,"
or "He is so arrogant," or "She has such a bad attitude." Ask
for descriptions of specific behaviors, because it is only behavior
that you can reasonably expect to change. For example, someone
who complains his ideas are "never listened to" might, when pressed
for specific behaviors, admit that "when I burst into her office
with a great idea, she waves me off with a request to 'talk about
it later.'"
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3.
Show empathy for feelings:
For most people, the sting of a conflict can be reduced when they
feel understood. Expressing empathy means showing you understand
how something can be difficult, how someone could feel sad about
a situation, how someone could feel threatened, angry, upset. "I
can see that you felt angry when she waved you off ... " You are
not saying he should feel angry, or that "she" was wrong, or that
you would have felt the same way. You are simply noting that the
person in front of you was clearly angry. And you respect that.
4. Focus on behavioral change:
Frequently people in conflict will not ever agree on an issue that
has come between them. That's acceptable. What they can, and must,
agree to do are 1) agree to disagree, and 2) make reasonable changes
in behavior that enable them to work together productively. In the
example above, the fellow might agree to present his ideas to his
colleague at an agreed-upon time when she is not engrossed in a
project. She might agree to make certain he has plenty of opportunities
to present his ideas to her.
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