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Issue # 61: March 28, 2007
To our readers:
Verbs are important in building relationships with customers, co-workers, employees, and friends. They identify the actions that fuel these relationships. Verbs such as respond, care, and support immediately come to mind. But another comes to mind as well, and that is to get. I don’t mean as in “to get a 20% bonus for exceeding a big customer’s expectations.” I mean as in “to get others to do things our way.”
Now, I am no verbologist, but using this verb in this way raises red flags because it suggests that our way is the only way or the best way and that coercion, or at least strong influence, is necessary to achieve the desired result.
How can I get someone to read this paragraph? The truth is I can’t get anyone to willingly do anything they really don’t want to do. Oh, they may do it, especially if they don’t think they have a choice. But that doesn’t mean they’ll whistle a happy tune while doing it, or smile at the customers while doing it, or figure out more efficient ways to do it. In fact, it often means they’ll find ways to sabotage it.
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What makes this verb-misuse pointless is that people are often quite willing to support a decision they don’t particularly like if they have had a say in the matter. It is often not the decision itself they resist and resent, but how that decision was made and how it was forced upon them. Was it made unilaterally, without their input or participation? Was it presented as a done deal? Was their experience in the matter completely disregarded while they were told to “Shut up and do it, because I said so”?
Fortunately, the solution to this is painless and rewarding. Simply replace divisive verbs such as to get and even to convince with verbs focused on your customers, co-workers, employees and friends, such as help and involve, and then match your actions to these new verbs.
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Rather than focusing on getting others to do things your way, focus on working with them to discern the best way to do things. You might be surprised by the usefulness of their ideas. And if the decision you ultimately come to is not the one they most wanted, they will nonetheless usually be able to support it because they were involved in its creation. Collaborate with your co-workers, customers, and employees and they will buy into the decisions you make together.
Once we begin trying to understand, appreciate, respect, and value another’s perspective (four more great verbs), customers, co-workers, employees, and friends will become much more accommodating as well. Before long you will enjoy the benefits of a true partnership.
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