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Issue
51: November 18, 2005
To our readers:
Each of us has "rules" we use to guide us in our lives. Many rules are passed from generation to generation within family units and social groups. We offer five of our Golden Rules below. Read these, reflect upon them, and then identify your own rules for living.
1. Mind Your Manners. Grandmother used many different tones of voice for this expression, depending on the situation. One thing was always clear: Manners Matter. They matter in structuring and maintaining personal relationships and in the way we present ourselves in social and professional activities. Consideration is the most important idea behind all good manners. Almost always, being considerate is being well-mannered. Consideration is simply thinking about the way the other person feels. People have the right to offend anyone they want to, but it's usually a mean and unnecessary thing to do. Being rude to someone is bad manners, not because a book says so, but because it causes hurt feelings. Manners are a reflection of our respect for ourselves and others. Manners encompass our words and our actions. Using good manners can get you through the most difficult, trap-laden situations with a minimum of fallout.
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2. Mind Your Tongue - language is important. There are words that hurt and words that heal. Words are powerful. They can affirm and they can destroy. If we pay attention to our words we can build up and not tear down. We can create doors of relationship rather than walls of rejection. A wise person said, "Let your words be sweet, for tomorrow you may have to eat them." No matter what the situation, it is wise to think before you speak, and be careful that your words are genuine and sincere. If we seek first and foremost to understand, and only after that to be understood, we will communicate that fundamental priority to others, setting a worthy example for developing better relationships.
3. Use Your Brains - think before you act. Part One: Use your rational thinking process to control your behavior, and don't let your emotions rule. In other words, don't make decisions when you are overly emotional. Part Two: Be continually and actively involved in structured continuing education. One of the best signs of competence is someone's commitment to professional and personal development. Stretching our brains and giving them regular exercise is critical to keeping them in top working order throughout our lifetimes.
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4. Watch Your Six. This is fighter pilot talk and great advice. Your "six" refers to six o'clock, and means "directly behind you"; "Watch your six" is a warning that you're in danger from your blind spot. Trouble is sneaking up behind you. It is a good idea to know our blind spots and to continually check for those problems that can attack from behind when we least expect them.
5. Treat Others the Way They Want to be Treated. A slightly different form of The Golden Rule, this rule warns against assuming others want to be treated the way we want to be treated. I might like a hug from an old friend, while another person, made uncomfortable by hugs, would prefer a firm handshake. True respect for another comes, in part, when we learn to honor our differences. Many of our political, business, and personal difficulties fade when we behave toward others in ways that acknowledge social, economic, cultural, and religious differences.
Please share your rules with us. Send them to: kirk@kirkmillerandassoc.com
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