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Issue 6: August 21, 2001
To our readers:
Anger has pulled up a chair at the table of corporate America. In a survey of more than 1,300 American workers,
42 percent said yelling and verbal abuse occurred where they worked, and 29 percent said they had yelled at co-workers
(November 2000 CNN.com news article by Beth Nissen).
The common results of anger range from the tendency to do as little
as possible to get by (August 1999 Associated Press article by Evelyne Girardet) to disruptive outbursts, absenteeism and health problems.
All reduce productivity and damage an organization's bottom line. Knowing ways to defuse anger can help you, your colleagues, and
your employees remain productive when stress levels are high.
Last month Brief Tips outlined five Tips for defusing anger. To review those Tips, click here:
Brief Tips #5
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How to Defuse Anger, Tips 6-11:
6. Speak in a calm voice.
Don't give in to the temptation to yell or scream back at an angry person. Maintain your normal tone of voice and rate of speech, and the angry person is likely to quiet down accordingly. Make sure you are calm, not smug. Smug people make angry people want to throw things.
7. Make an empathic statement.
Empathize with the other person's concerns. This means you must first listen to him or her. For tips on listening, click here to see Brief Tips Issues 1 and 2:
Brief Tips
Once you've heard something that explains why the person is angry, let him or her know it. Say something like, "If I believed that
. . . (Mary was taking breaks while I did all the work) . . . I'd probably feel the same way you do." Take care not to be patronizing - don't respond as though she wouldn't be so angry if she had your level of experience, competence, or emotional maturity. If you are dealing with an angry customer, resist the temptation to admit your organization made an error, unless you have approval to do so. And never be drawn into a criticism of others in your organization as a way to empathize with an angry customer or colleague.
8. Ask questions.
Smoke out the real problem, which the person may not readily be honest about, either because he doesn't want to say, or doesn't really know, what's made him angry. Ask, "What happened?" to get the steps leading up to the incident that set him off. If that doesn't make the situation clear to you, try asking "what was it that really got to you?" Keep asking questions and getting answers until both you and the angry person believe you fully understand the situation. Or until he (or she) believes you care about his feelings and what happened. If you are the person who made him angry, offer as sincere an apology as you can.
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9. The situation should now be ripe for you to offer a rational solution.
Offer a solution that meets your mutual needs as fully as any existing constraints allow. When thinking of a solution, put yourself in the other's place to determine what you would want to happen if you were in her situation.
10. Don't exceed the bounds of your authority.
If you are not able or authorized to resolve this situation, bring someone in who can. If you are dealing with an angry customer, make a referral to someone who can help. However, don't give the other person reason to believe you are passing the buck. Say something like, "Our general manager, Ms. Smith, will want to hear about your situation. Unless you have another question for me, I'll get her on the telephone." Don't ever say, "That isn't my responsibility," or "I can't help you."
11. When all else fails . . .
The techniques above should yield good results when you're confronted with honest or spontaneous anger, but they may get you nowhere with a calculating or vindictive individual. In cases where nothing seems to work, fall back on a statement such as, "What do you want me to do?" or, "What will make you happy?" Either of these two statements should get to the bottom of someone's genuine concerns and will often disarm a troublemaker. But don't promise what you can't deliver! And if none of these techniques works for you, call in your manager or a trusted colleague.
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