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Issue #23: January 31, 2003
To our readers:
Making sure your listeners understand what you are saying is critical to your
success. Have you ever assigned a task to someone only to have that person do something quite
different from what you asked for? Or shared a project with a colleague only to find out he was
working on the same portion of it you were supposed to work on? Or had a client misunderstand
how a product or service would be priced? These are all examples of what can happen when people
assume they've been understood when they haven't, and they translate into wasted time,
frustrated employees, irritated bosses, missed deadlines, and other high costs of
miscommunication.
We know that listening is important. If we don't listen, we seriously undermine our ability
to understand what others try to tell us. And whether those others are clients, prospects,
colleagues, coworkers, bosses, or family members, what they tell us can have a profound impact
on our success.
Equally critical to effective communication is verifying that you have been understood.
Boaz Keysar, an Associate Professor in Psychology at the University of Chicago, and graduate
student Anne Henly conducted a study of 40 pairs of listeners and speakers. They "found that
speakers believe that their intended meaning was being understood most of the time, but the
findings showed that nearly half the time they thought they were understood they actually were
not," according to the May 9, 2002 issue of the University of Chicago Chronicle.
Keysar and Henly found, in the same study, that listeners were confident they understood what
the speaker was saying even when they didn't understand. "Even with very little information,
listeners were confident that they understood," said Keysar.
It appears that people tend to have an inflated view of both how well they understand someone
else, and how well they are understood when they speak. Reduce the negative consequences of
such miscommunication by verifying how well your listener understands you.
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Three Tips for Making Sure Your Listener Understands You
1. Don't be fooled by the head-nodding and "uh-huhs."
Many people nod their heads and say "uh-huh" when others talk as a way of encouraging the
speaker and demonstrating that they are listening. They don't do it consciously--it comes
naturally as a show of courtesy. These cues do not necessarily mean the listeners understand
what the speaker is saying, even if in the flow of conversation they think they understand.
2. Be prepared to counteract the tendency of others to make it easy on you by saying they
"get it" when they don't.
Your listeners will often, in an effort to be agreeable, say they understand you when they don't.
They're not necessarily being dishonest; they might think they understand you well enough.
They want to assure you that you're being clear so they don't take up more of your time.
It is your job as a communicator to counteract this tendency by asking questions designed to
gauge your listeners' understanding.
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3. Ask questions to gauge your listeners' understanding.
Ask your employee to tell you what she understands the project entails, "to make sure I
covered all the important points." Ask your client if the pricing structure you just
described makes sense in a particular situation. Ask a colleague to tell you how he sees
your efforts dovetailing with his on the initiative you just discussed. Ask "does that make
sense?" and "how does that fit with your understanding of our department's goals?"
Ask questions designed to get your listener to tell you what he/she understood you to say.
Accept the fact that it is likely your listener has not understood what you just
said, and you have taken the first step to more effective communication. Asking the questions
that gauge your listener's understanding is the next step, and discussing and resolving the
differences you discover should complete the cycle of communication. For a minimum investment
of time and effort you can enjoy the success that comes with more effective communication.
For previously published tips on listening,
click here and here.
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